Sunday, 11 September 2011

Rainius Peasantus

The quantum laws of The Village universe have changed today, because its raining...not just rain though...proper - End of The World Rain....

Therefore the residents of The Village of The Damned think the following rules apply....

Our Village has the highest concentration of hairdressers in the County, but the elderly female community, may still come in to our gardening shop and ask if we sell plastic rain bonnets???



Crimes against fashion are allowed, note: the parade of rain bonnetted Geries standing in the torrential downpour, in the queue, 45 mins before The Post Office actually opens....

The local chavvies may still trawl the High Street, dragging their brood, who should clearly be in school...down to Tescos for fags, scratchcards and a bottle of White Lightening...WITHOUT a coat.... Fake tan and midriffs still on show.

Each customer has the right to point out to shop staff that "its raining"...and expect shop staff to look suprised. Despite the fact that it rains for approx 197 days a year in the UK. Residents may be oblivious to shop staff having a life outside of work and may think, that staff are under the impression that its positively tropical outside, ignoring the detail that most of the staff, have just come to work in the deluge.

Torrential rain somehow changes the UK Highway Code and Residents can basically park where they likey... And in the event they cant find a space, they can pull their entire car onto the pavement, blocking the entrances of the local shops...

Residents have the rights to over dramatise the descriptive words they use for the current inclemency.... Words like...awful, appalling, terrible, horrific, soaking, drowned etc... are acceptable, though under normal circumstances most of these words are usually used to describe major world events like the sinking of a ship, tsunamis, hurricanes etc... This particular level of humidity, gives Residents the right to lose perspective within the global context.

Poor weather conditions also enable Residents to get out their appropriate rain wear, which, when last put away, may not have been quite dry and despite it having a foisty odour of mildew and wet dog, wear it away...

DESPITE THE RAIN... Todays Latin class is NOT cancelled...

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