Magic Padlock man was banging on the shop door before we opened today. Eager to bring me yet another of his famous cloths, which, not even a good CSI could identify...

By 10am,  He had been back to purchase his third padlock of the day, asked for the rolly cigarette back that he so generously gave me yesterday and brought yet another selection of biscuits, which has bits of tissues and some sticky gunk attached.  (We think he may have pilfered them from the Methodist Church Coffee Morning down the road).

This morning, Her Royal Highness, The Elderly Snotty Woman who pushes a pram up the high street most days, came in to buy birdseed.  She doesnt actually have a child, or any Grandchildren for that matter, but since they took her driving licence from her, (for driving the wrong way down the dual carriageway), she now shops with the next best thing, an oversized pram. 

This woman could give lessons in abrupt rudeness.  She also wanted to buy dishcloths...how tempted was I to let her have the one Padlock man had brought in earlier?...

I have noticed that no matter what her conversation De Jour is, she always crams in the fact that she used to have a Mondeo and a bungalow in The Village, (before, she tells me, she moved to a better area).  - Keep Death Off The Roads, I say... at least she is less dangerous with a pram...

Thought I would also share this...

Just another typical day in The Village.  I opened the shop to find various bizarre items in the alleyway next to the shop. This morning's additions, were - several areas of vomit and a pilfered kitchen peddle bin.  The bin sat there for most of the day, until I saw one of the peasants clock it...tis now on ebay I suspect...

Also, note the class parking of one of the chavvy cars, parked on a busy corner, blocking the traffic, one wheel illegally up on the kerb, oh and there is the little matter of the yellow lines...the driver clearly thinks that putting Her hazards on - makes her car invisible...

When she got out of the car, she gave me a smug look and went to do some shopping. While she was buying her bottles of Strongbow and Scratchcards, I got my prayer mat out...

On returning to Her car, 40 mins later, She got a £60 quid fine... Seems that Her magic hazards, don't work after all....